#1 note to self...

sometimes i really don't dare to say that i am grown up..
not that i don't admit that i am actually a young adult now..
it's just that, i kinda doubt myself..
true that, i actually cannot really accept that i am entering 20 this year..
i am not prepared.. mentally..

being a 20 year old girl, i actually hold more responsibilities than i used to..
i cannot only think about myself..
i should learn how to be balance..
but i always screw up..
i really don't know how..

it's sometimes very disturbing to myself when i realize that i am so bad in handling situation..
mainly because, i really do care / think too much..
i care about how people think about me, and i think too much about what will happen of whatever i do..
i am not any great person.. being me, i actually don't quite like it..
i feel that i am doing very badly as a person..

this year, is a year that i should make changes over myself..
but i dunno start from where and how..
perhaps i am giving myself excuses..
but i do seeking for changes in me..
i am trying..
trying to be better.. tell me if i am not..
i wouldn't know if i wasn't told..

I tend to keep my feelings to myself..
because I'm afraid that people might dislike it..
but it is rather hard to please everyone..

at the end, i will be the one ranting why is life so hard.. lol..

i forgot what i wanted to write..
but what is on my mind now is that,
life ain't easy anyway..
so just do what i can do..and what i feel like doing..
so that i will have no regret in life..

and the next thing is... hmm..
omg i forgot..
let me think let me think....

........5 minutes gone............

argh.. i couldn't recall.. T_T
OH i think i know what i was thinking already..
hmm try not to think so much because actually, i am not so important..
people actually don't care what i did..
i mean like, it is not that what i did can influence oneself very much..
so yeah..
shouldn't always imagine that im so important..
again, it is not that i am "perasan", it's just that, im thinking too much..
will try to control that.. i mean will TRY.. =)

guess i should start writing more post like this..
as the note to self so that i know how far i have gone to and how much i have or have not grown.. =)